Beautifully Torn Page 3

  “Hudson, I don’t think—”

  “No back talk,” Hudson said, interrupting Jinx. “I want you two to kiss. This has gone on too long.”

  Rocky took an audible breath. “If we kiss, will you talk to us?”

  Hudson didn’t need to think about it. If they finally kissed, there would be no talking. “Sure.”

  Jinx shifted to his knees. “Fine.” He leaned across Hudson like he fully intended to quickly press his lips to Rocky’s and move away. The most intense longing Hudson had ever witnessed crossed Rocky’s features. The moment Jinx was within striking distance, Rocky’s hand shot out. He buried his fingers in Jinx’s hair and hauled him forward. Rocky held tight as he delved deep. Hudson’s body stirred as he watched the pair. It was just a kiss, but it was like watching the hottest sex imaginable. The desire blasting from the pair was almost tangible. Hudson took a breath and soaked up their love. For reasons he couldn’t explain, Hudson felt a little better about life. Even if their love didn’t extend to him, they made him feel something. He wasn’t dead yet. There was something good left in the world.

  Flames of desire licked at Jinx’s skin. He had known Rocky would be like this. That was exactly why he had planned to steal a fast kiss and move away. Jinx wasn’t sure how to feel. He didn’t know why Hudson wanted this. While Jinx had always known Hudson wouldn’t fall in love with him or even want a relationship with him, they had a sexual relationship. Jinx felt at sea. His chest was too full with Rocky’s tongue stroking his. The world no longer existed with Rocky’s lips on Jinx’s skin. Unlike with Hudson, where Jinx could force himself to understand why Hudson would never want more, Jinx didn’t think he could do the same with Rocky. There was no going back.

  Rocky pulled away but didn’t release Jinx. For a moment, they stared at each other. Rocky looked turned on. Jinx couldn’t tear his gaze away from the sight.

  “See what you two have been missing? All this time, pretending—” Rocky’s hand shot out, snagging Hudson’s shirt and cutting off his lecture. Before Jinx understood his intentions, Rocky dragged Hudson up and forward. Jinx fought to grasp his place as Rocky reclaimed Jinx’s mouth, but with Hudson as part of their kiss. Jinx wasn’t one to sleep around. He had never been in this position before. All he knew any longer was pure need. Until he ended up right here, Jinx hadn’t realized how much he wanted it. Lately, he had been depressingly torn. His mind had been a mess. He was in love with Rocky, even though he knew it would lead to heartbreak. Jinx also hadn’t protected his heart from Hudson, even though he knew Hudson only wanted to fuck him. Jinx had never felt more vulnerable than he did in that moment. He was overwhelmed. Without thought, he blindly climbed from the bed. Hands tried to keep him from leaving. Jinx didn’t stop. He headed for the bathroom and into the walk-in closet where he had found a secret passageway a few months back. Once inside the quiet passageway inside the walls, Jinx finally stopped and took a breath. With his eyes closed, he leaned against the wall and focused on the sound of the air leaving his lungs. Humiliation tried creeping in, but Jinx shut his mind against it. No one understood. It had been less than a year since his mom died and his life changed. Zayn had taken him in and saved his sanity, but Jinx still wasn’t whole. He didn’t have the strength to get his heart broken. Hudson and Rocky were probably fucking in Jinx’s bed right now and... goddamn it. Jinx just wanted to be special to someone. Why wasn’t he special? His eyes burned. He couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Jinx covered his face. He tried breathing through the pain, but the tears wouldn’t stop. There was no strength left in him after years of watching his mom wither away. He was tired, and he missed having someone love him unconditionally. Jinx couldn’t carry this. He might not survive the fall.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Jinx wasn’t surprised Rocky found him. He swiped at his eyes. “Fuck. Don’t apologize. That makes it worse.”

  Rocky didn’t say anything else. Jinx still couldn’t look his way. He felt like an idiot.

  “I’m guessing you’ve changed your mind about me staying with you.”

  Fuck his life. Hudson was here too. It seemed everyone would get to witness him falling apart. “Could you both just go away?”

  “No.”

  A watery-sounding laugh burst from Jinx at Rocky’s answer. He swiped harder at his eyes, trying to make the tears stop. “Surprise. I’m a mess. Does it make you feel better to see it?”

  “You’re not a mess. Hudson is the disaster.”

  “Gee, thanks,” Hudson muttered at Rocky’s claim.

  Rocky snorted. “Everyone knows green hair is the last stage of a mental breakdown.”

  A smile unexpectedly pulled at Jinx’s lips. He felt like an idiot. Jinx took a calming breath. “I’m sorry.”

  Hudson hissed. “Damn. I see now why you didn’t want an apology. Don’t say that. It makes me feel like you didn’t want to be kissed.”

  At Hudson’s claim, Jinx finally found the strength to turn his head and look their way. Rocky and Hudson looked every bit as upset as Jinx. He felt like shit. They were good men. It genuinely wasn’t their fault he had been at his breaking point for a long time. “I don’t know what I want. That’s not true,” Jinx said every bit as quickly. “I’m just not very strong.”

  Rocky nodded—like he understood. “That’s okay. How about we go to bed and I hog the covers? You two can fight for warmth and I’ll know you’re both safe for the night.”

  Jinx sniffed and straightened away from the wall. He nodded, since he didn’t think his voice would work. As a unit, they headed back to Jinx’s bed. Jinx climbed in and watched as Hudson and Rocky stripped down to their underwear. They were equally gorgeous, but in different ways. Even though Hudson wasn’t a big guy, he was still bigger than Jinx. Jinx felt tiny while waiting for the pair to join him. He didn’t know where he should be, so he stayed in the middle of his bed, where he usually slept. Hudson climbed over him and settled on one side while Rocky took the other.

  “Let me be the first to tell you; you’re an adult now. It’s time to put your bed in the center of the room.” Hudson snuggled in close as he made the suggestion. He kissed Jinx’s cheek. “I’m older than you and pee a lot. You can’t make me climb over everyone all night, every night like this.”

  “We’ll fix it tomorrow,” Rocky said, planning Jinx’s life as he too scooted as close as possible. “You’ll survive for one night.”

  Jinx wanted to ask how many nights they intended to spend in his bed, but he was too scared to start that subject. Instead, he stayed stiff while trying to force his muscles to relax.

  Hudson stroked his stomach. “Please don’t take your friendship away now. You’re the only person who doesn’t use me.”

  Jinx finally relaxed. He linked fingers with Hudson’s and held on. “Please stop thinking about my stupidity. I already feel like a big enough idiot.” He blew out a breath.

  “You’re not an idiot.” Rocky sounded stern. It made butterflies stir in Jinx’s stomach. “It’s been a rough year. Why do you think I haven’t kissed you before tonight? I wanted you to know that you can trust me. You obviously don’t know it yet.”

  Jinx’s eyes fell closed. “That’s not true. I trust you completely. We should try again.” Resolve settled over Jinx as he made the demand. “Kiss me again. Both of you.”

  Neither man moved.

  “Then kiss each other and let me watch,” Jinx suggested, hoping to get things moving.

  For a moment, Rocky and Hudson eyed each other. Finally, Hudson came up onto his elbow and leaned over Jinx. Rocky did the same. He didn’t grab Hudson and pull him into a fiery kiss the way he had Jinx, but he also didn’t back down when Hudson reached for him. Jinx’s breaths came a little faster as he watched Hudson’s and Rocky’s lips meet. His cock stirred when the kiss deepened. He never expected the lack of jealousy, much less to be turned on by the sight of Hudson and Rocky together. The bigger his desire got, the smaller his fears became. When their kiss turned heate
d, Jinx drew the pair down until he had Rocky’s mouth and Hudson kissed his neck. He lost himself in the sensation of stroking tongues as Hudson joined their kiss and their mouths moved from one spot to another. Jinx no longer knew whose hands touched him or whose tongue was in his mouth. All he knew was lust as someone’s hand found its way inside his shorts. Jinx moved against the palm that stroked him while stealing all the kisses they could give. His hands made their way beneath the covers. Lust made him bold. He rubbed the erections on either side of him until each man freed their cocks for Jinx to touch.

  Jinx couldn’t think straight. They were so different yet the same. While each man felt soft yet hard, that was where the similarities ended. Hudson had a dick Jinx could ride all night. He was the perfect length and width so Jinx wouldn’t get hurt. Rocky’s dick matched the man. It was thick and long, ensuring Jinx would stretch and gag. Jinx was so goddamn horny, he thought he might scream. He stroked and tugged while moving restlessly, seeking more. Rocky sat up and ripped Jinx’s shorts off before settling down again. He roughly pulled Jinx’s leg over his hip, spreading Jinx’s thighs. Jinx lost himself in the sensation of Hudson sucking his nipple. Rocky sucked two fingers, wetting them before Jinx found them in his ass. His eyes rolled back in his head. Rocky pumped his fingers, massaging the perfect spot while Hudson tugged on Jinx’s dick. Jinx blindly stroked, taking whatever kisses he could from whoever gave them. His hips rolled as he tried reaching for release. Everything felt too good. He wanted more, yet he needed this to end. Pressure climbed his shaft. Jinx strained toward it. As a loud gasp ripped from his throat, an orgasm nearly blinded him. Neither Rocky nor Hudson stopped. They kept tormenting Jinx until he had nothing left to give. Then both men shot to their knees and openly jacked off while Jinx fought for air. Grunts and moans filled the air. Hot cum coated Jinx’s torso as they came all over him. In all his life, Jinx had never felt more complete. It was as if everything snapped into place. Jinx wanted them both. He might not get to keep them, but in this moment, they were his. Jinx couldn’t ask for more.

  Three

  There was a weird pressure in Rocky’s chest after watching Jinx and Hudson sleep for half the night. There was also a huge weight sitting on his shoulders. Despite a bit of sexual gratification, everyone was miserable, and he didn’t know how to fix it. It took Rocky a moment to realize Hudson’s eyes were open. Light spilling from the cracked bathroom door was enough for Rocky to see him clearly. For a long moment, they silently stared at each other across Jinx’s sleeping form.

  Finally, Rocky broke. “Why did you try jumping from the balcony?”

  Hudson looked away and stared at Jinx. “You wouldn’t understand.”

  Rocky fought an eye roll. “Being unhappy isn’t a problem owned only by the rich and famous.”

  Rocky didn’t think Hudson would answer. Since their whispering would likely wake Jinx soon, he considered letting go. “I thought being an adult would be different,” Hudson admitted finally, surprising Rocky. “Like I thought I would wake up one day and magically have my shit together.” Hudson’s gaze moved back Rocky’s way. “He kisses me all the time and doesn’t freak out.”

  Rocky knew this answer without having to think about it. “That’s because he trusts you. He doesn’t trust me.” It hurt to admit that, but it was the truth.

  Hudson shook his head. “It’s because he’s not scared to lose me. I’m nobody to him. He’s terrified of losing you. It’s like I’m not a real person to anyone. Maybe not even to me.”

  “I feel sick at the thought of losing either of you,” Jinx whispered, proving he had been awake for at least part of their conversation.

  Rocky winced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  Jinx opened one eye. “You’re holding a conversation across my face. I’m a deep sleeper but not that deep.”

  The moment felt intimate, disclosing secrets in the dark. Rocky had confessions he needed to make too. “I don’t know what I want from this.”

  “I don’t expect anything,” Hudson said immediately, sounding hurt and obviously misunderstanding.

  Rocky couldn’t let that go on. “I don’t think I’m very good at expressing myself. Maybe just hear me out while I trip over my thoughts out loud.” Hudson and Jinx nodded, giving Rocky hope he might make them understand. He started with Jinx. “Since the first night you stayed here, I’ve known that I want to be with you. I know you’re still hurting from losing your mom, and I haven’t known how to tell you I’m here when you’re ready.” Rocky switched his gaze to Hudson. “You, I wasn’t expecting at all. You just kind of sideswiped me. In fact, I wanted to hate your face because it felt like you were slowly stealing Jinx from me. I have nothing to offer. To either of you,” he added, looking between Jinx and Hudson. He couldn’t stop there. “Honestly, I’m super confused because I’ve never been happier than I am right now.” Rocky’s chest felt like it was caving in. “I don’t think I’m explaining myself very well. I just said I don’t know what I want, but I kind of do. It’s just that I don’t think what I want is realistic.”

  Jinx didn’t let him flounder. “What do you want?”

  Rocky didn’t respond right away. He wasn’t sure he was brave enough.

  Hudson sat up. “I think I should go. You two have a lot to talk about.”

  At Hudson’s threat to leave, Rocky’s heart tried jumping into his throat. His confession burst from him in his panic. “I want the three of us to be together.” Hudson froze. Rocky clarified his outburst so there would be no misunderstanding. “As like a throuple or whatever. Jesus, you two are being really quiet and I’m just out here, rambling like an idiot.”

  “I want that too,” Jinx said, saving him. “Honestly, I’ve wanted that for a while. I just haven’t been strong enough to admit it, and I’m kind of a mess and no one’s catch.” Jinx stroked Hudson’s chest and Hudson settled back down. As Rocky looked on, Jinx traced the line of Hudson’s jaw with his fingertip. “You probably don’t care to be tied down, and I get it. I’ve tried really hard not to get attached. You’ve never done anything to lead me on or to make me believe you want a relationship. It’s not your fault I’m greedy.” Jinx took a shaky-sounding breath. “I didn’t mean to fall for you while trying to hide from feeling too much for Rocky. It just happened.”

  Rocky thought his heart would explode. Jinx felt something for him. He had never been happier.

  “You’re a real person to me,” Jinx whispered, saying what Rocky didn’t know how to articulate. “I want you with us.”

  Hudson looked between them. “I have issues.”

  Jinx nodded. “I know.”

  Hudson didn’t stop there. “Sometimes I leap from balconies.”

  A smile snapped to Rocky’s lips. “We’ve been made aware.”

  “And to be fair, I cry for no reason these days, which is super unattractive, so... there’s that if we’re comparing weaknesses,” Jinx said, making Rocky’s smile grow.

  Hudson’s gaze softened as he stared at Jinx. “You’re the realest person I know. That’s no weakness.”

  Jinx bit his bottom lip, obviously trying to squelch a smile. “So... we should probably try that three-way kiss thing again, don’t you think? We should get the hang of it.”

  A smile exploded across Hudson’s face. “We definitely should.”

  Rocky didn’t wait for anyone to change their mind. He dove in with every bit of enthusiasm in his heart. Since he had never been in a relationship like this one, nor had he had much luck with any relationship at all, Rocky imagined this would likely blow up in their faces. He was willing to let it happen for a shot at hanging on to this level of happiness. Rocky needed to try.

  For all Hudson’s fears about having to pee a hundred times during the night, it ended up being Jinx who abandoned them first. Hudson was the first one to venture out, looking for something to drink. It was thirsty work making out with two men. Hudson couldn’t stop smiling. In his distraction, he wandered into th
e middle of some heavy petting happening inside the kitchen.

  “Whoa. Sorry. I didn’t see you there.” Hudson tried looking in every direction but at Zayn and Spencer. It was their house, and they had every right to do whatever, wherever.

  “Hey, Hudson. I didn’t know you were here.” Spencer didn’t sound concerned about Hudson standing in his kitchen in his underwear.

  Hudson dared a glance their way. They were in their underwear too, but everything was hidden. “Yeah. Sorry. I stayed the night and just popped in here to grab some water.”

  Zayn smiled. “I take it you slept in Jinx’s room.”

  “Hey, grab two more bottles and we’ll take one to...” Rocky froze as he spotted Spencer and Zayn. He too wore nothing but his underwear.

  Zayn’s smile slipped away.

  Spencer’s eyebrows rose.

  Jinx padded into the kitchen wrapped in a sheet. “Are we getting something to...”