Beautifully Toxic Read online

  “What’s this?”

  Jessie dumped the boxes in Theo’s lap and climbed into bed with him. “It’s a phone and laptop. Welcome to modern times.” Jessie flopped down on his stomach beside Theo and closed his eyes.

  Theo looked at the haul. Since he had never had a way to get to a job, he had never worked. Which meant he had never had money for electronics. Well, not anything nice. When he had left the group home, he had bought a prepaid phone so he could call William when he got to L.A. William hadn’t answered and Theo had run out of minutes leaving voicemails. Even though he hadn’t owned anything nice, that didn’t mean he didn’t know what the best brands were. The laptop and phone were the most expensive on the market.

  “I can’t accept these.”

  “Shut up, gorgeous,” Jessie mumbled, sounding half asleep. “My money. My choices.”

  Theo didn’t know an argument for that one, so he broke the seal on the phone. The complicated device made him feel like an idiot. “This thing wants me to set up a code. What should I use?”

  “An important date, I suppose.”

  Theo tried to think, but nothing came to mind. “I’ll just use today’s date.” After all, it had definitely been a day he wouldn’t forget. “It wants to use my face too. Sheesh, you would think one code would be enough.” Theo did all the chin up, down, and face side to side as prompted. It seemed to take forever. “It wants me to connect to the internet.”

  Jessie’s head shot up. His eyes were barely open. “It’s the one named Windowless White Van.”

  Theo chuckled as he clicked on it. “Got it.”

  Jessie nodded. “The password is I’m not fucking playing with you. All one word. All caps.”

  Once he was online, Theo suddenly felt like the world was at his fingertips. Jessie shot up—like someone stabbed him. “Hold on. Let me text you so you’ll have my number.” He dug out his phone and started typing.

  As the phone in Theo’s hand buzzed, Jessie flopped back down and closed his eyes. Theo opened his text.

  Jessie: Now I’m always at your fingertips.

  Theo smiled like an idiot. A soft snore came from Jessie’s side of the bed. Without thought, Theo reached over and smoothed Jessie’s hair away from his face. He tucked the strands behind Jessie’s ear. Theo swore his heart sighed. It wasn’t like he was an idiot. Jessie was out of his league and obviously an addict. But Theo wasn’t insane. No one in their right mind would miss their chance to touch him.

  “There he is,” Declan said, appearing in Theo’s doorway. Theo immediately pulled his hand back—like he had been burned. Declan crossed the room. “I’ll get him out of here.”

  “He’s fine.”

  Declan snorted. “Trust me. You don’t want him waking up in here. The comedown from this big of a high is ugly. Let him keep his pride, babe.”

  Guilt washed over Theo. Jessie had been so kind. Theo shouldn’t want more. He flashed Declan a smile. “Of course. I’m sure he’d happier in his own bed.”

  Theo watched with his heart in his throat as Declan slung Jessie over his shoulder and carried him from the room. He knew there was no way he would sleep now from worrying about Jessie. He hated that Jessie was obviously messed up. It felt wrong for someone so gorgeous to have anything but a beautiful life. Everyone had some type of cross to bear. Even the rich and otherwise perfect, it seemed.

  Three

  As hard as Theo tried, he didn’t make it past eight a.m. before venturing from his room. His stomach wouldn’t stop growling. It was like having a big dinner reminded him what it was like to eat properly. Theo needed to forage while everyone else was—hopefully—still sleeping. He had an easier time finding his way to the kitchen this time. His stomach led the way. Thankfully, the house was quiet and seemingly empty. He didn’t have to feel guilty for blatantly searching the cabinets.

  They had left a huge mess last night. Pizza boxes and soda bottles had littered the kitchen while they had crowded the theater room and played VR games for the rest of the night until Jessie disappeared. This morning, the place sparkled and smelled clean—like they had never been there. The sunlight pouring in through the windows and French doors made the huge kitchen feel homelike. It was odd to Theo that this house felt more like home in one night than the group home had in nine years. He knew he couldn’t stay here forever, but damned if it didn’t feel like a forever home.

  One side of Jessie’s massive kitchen had tons of cabinets. As Theo blatantly searched them, he realized the grocery list he had made with Jessie last night had magically become reality. His favorite ultra-sugary cereal stared out at him. A huge smile stretched his lips as he grabbed the box. He felt like a little kid as he went on the hunt for a bowl and spoon. When he opened the fridge, he found even more of the items he had suggested. Jessie was like some kind of fairy godfather.

  Theo was settled on a barstool at the island and on his second humongous bowl of cereal when Declan made an appearance. He smiled sleepily at Theo as he headed for the fridge. Theo smiled back as he chewed.

  Declan glanced at Theo’s bowl as he poured himself some orange juice. “Would you like some bacon with that?”

  Theo shook his head. He didn’t want to admit he had already eaten half a box of cereal. “I’m good. Thank you, though.”

  With a nod, Declan grabbed a bowl and joined Theo at the bar. Theo fought not to look Declan’s way when Declan grabbed the box of cereal and started pouring. He didn’t want to see the guy’s judgment over how much he had already eaten. They chewed in companionable silence for several minutes.

  “I haven’t had this brand of cereal in years,” Declan said between bites. “I forgot how good it is.”

  Before Theo could respond, the back door opened, and Ezra stepped inside. “Oh, good. You’re up.”

  Theo had no idea which of them he meant, so he didn’t respond. A movement from the corner of Theo’s eye caught his attention. He glanced over to find a small blond guy making his way down the hall. He was pretty. That didn’t explain who he was or why he was there. The guy’s hazel eyes swept from side to side, taking in the scene before landing on Ezra, which made perfect sense to Theo. He was the prettiest.

  “Who are you?”

  “Jessie’s brother,” Ezra said so fast, it cleared everything up to Theo’s mind. This guy had come from Jessie’s bedroom.

  The guy’s gaze moved Theo’s way. His eyebrows rose.

  Theo tried not to flinch under his judgmental stare. “Jessie’s houseguest.” Theo hoped that would be enough to pacify the jealousy in the man’s stare.

  Declan jumped to his feet before he found himself the center of the same inquest. “I’ll see you out.”

  Theo watched Declan walk outside with the stranger. It was ridiculous for Theo to be hurt, but he kind of was. Knowing he was being dumb didn’t do a thing for Theo’s sanity. For a few hours last night, Jessie had sat so close, and Theo had dreamed. Damn. He was really stupid.

  Ezra took control, saving Theo from the lump growing in his throat. “I’ve come to steal you for the day. I need a partner in crime. We’re talking mani-pedis, hair done, and full facials. The works.”

  That was enough to distract Theo. “I don’t have any money.”

  Ezra snorted. “I didn’t say anything about you needing money. My treat.”

  Guilt ate Theo alive, stinging his pride. “I can’t accept all that.”

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s not my money. It’s Jessie’s. Models don’t make any money.” He tilted his head from side to side, as if rethinking his claim, before adding, “Except for those photos Jessie doesn’t know about.” A wicked smile stretched Ezra’s lips. “I made a lot of money for those.” He seemed to snap back to reality. “Anyhow, I’ve got you. Get your shoes and let’s go.”

  Since Ezra seemed excited, Theo slipped from the stool and headed down the hall. Back at his room, he found some socks and the shoes Declan had given him. They were a half size too big, but Theo was literally the
definition of beggars couldn’t be choosers. With his shoes laced up, Theo’s gaze slid toward his new phone. It wasn’t like anyone would call him, but he still found himself slipping it in his pocket before rushing back out to meet Ezra.

  Declan was back at the island. He ate his cereal while staring intently at the window above the sink. Ezra stood on the opposite side of the kitchen, as if trying to stay as far away from Declan as possible. Unlike yesterday, where they had been in each other’s pockets, this morning, the tension was palpable. It was like they were angry and trying to ignore each other. They were a puzzle.

  Ezra smiled when he caught sight of Theo. “Yay. We’re going to have so much fun.”

  Theo wasn’t sure facials were his idea of fun, but he would give it a shot for Ezra’s sake. “I’m looking forward to it.”

  They headed for the door with Ezra in the lead, taking charge.

  Declan cleared his throat. It was an uncomfortable sound. “Be careful. You know how traffic is here.”

  Ezra completely ignored him. Theo kept his head down, hoping to avoid the crossfire. Ezra led him to a white Audi S7 and motioned for Theo to get in. “Your carriage, good sir.”

  Theo realized he was smiling. He genuinely liked Ezra. Of course, he doubted there was a soul alive who didn’t like Ezra. The moment Theo was strapped in, Ezra became a hurricane. He talked a mile a minute and drove like a grandma. Everywhere they went, they were greeted with smiles and treated like royalty. Two hours in, Theo’s phone chirped, nearly making him jump out of his skin. He dug out the device and checked his messages.

  Jessie: Where did you disappear to?

  Theo fought a wave of happiness. Blond overnight guest forgotten. He glanced Ezra’s way. “It’s Jessie. He wants to know where I’ve gone.” Theo didn’t know why he explained his text. It just seemed rude to be on his phone during their outing without telling him why. He started typing, letting Jessie know where he had gone. He was slow and the phone kept autocorrecting his words, but he finally managed. Before he could get his phone put away, another text rolled in.

  Jessie: Tell Ezra to make sure he keeps both his hands on the wheel.

  “Jessie says for you to make sure you keep both your hands on the wheel.”

  The foils in Ezra’s hair caught the light as he looked Theo’s way. His eyes danced with laughter. “Tell him he has nothing to worry about. I’m not blind. I read all the signs and saw the sparks.”

  Even though he was confused as hell, Theo typed Ezra’s message word for word. He didn’t have long to wait for a response.

  Jessie: Good. See you soon. BTW, I’m sorry I passed out in your bed last night.

  Theo bit his lip. Damn. He was scared of the happiness. Theo wasn’t used to feeling like this.

  Theo: It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re up and moving this morning.

  “What did he say?”

  Theo answered without thought. “That he’s sorry for passing out in my bed last night.” Horror raced through Theo the moment the words left him. He wanted to snatch them back, but it was too late. Still, he tried. “I did not mean that how it sounded. He popped in to give me this phone and then passed out.”

  The laughter etched in Ezra’s every feature couldn’t be missed. “You don’t have to explain. I know my brother. No matter how fucked up he gets, he’s not the type to take advantage of you. Plus, he’s on so much stuff, he probably hasn’t been able to get it up in years.”

  Theo blinked. Part of him wanted to remind Ezra of the blond who had been a half a second away from a jealous rage this morning. The rest of Theo couldn’t believe Ezra would talk about anyone getting it up. In the end, he decided to tackle the rest of Ezra’s claim. “Do you worry about him?”

  Ezra stared at his own reflection as he answered. “Constantly, but life isn’t easy for anyone. He’s grown and he’s still a functioning addict. No one is having to Narcan ten times a day and I call that a win.”

  Theo stared at his reflection in the mirror while he waited for his stylist. He couldn’t stop comparing his life from two days ago to now. These people were so different from anyone he had ever met, yet they were the same. A higher class of unhappy. They had money and endless options, but they still had to survive everyday life, which—apparently—sucked ass for everyone equally. The last couple of days had been enlightening. Still, Theo wouldn’t trade them for the world. But it was a little ridiculous how badly he wanted to go home to Jessie. He was in so much trouble.

  Four

  After two hours of hugging the toilet, Jessie thought he might live. He didn’t feel confident enough to go hunting for Theo until he survived the world’s longest shower. Jessie still couldn’t believe he had passed out in the boy’s bed on his first night. Theo had to think he had jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire by trusting Jessie. The last thing Jessie wanted was for Theo to be scared of him. Unfortunately, it hadn’t taken him much searching to realize Theo was gone. Jessie’s first thought was Theo had disappeared back into the streets, leaving Jessie with no way to find him. Thankfully, Theo had taken his cellphone and set Jessie’s mind at ease immediately. Of course, that did nothing for his boredom. So Jessie ended up doing what he always did. He paced and popped pills.

  By the time Theo came through the back door, Jessie almost rushed him and yanked him off his feet. He was so damn relieved to have company. Then he got a good look at him. Lust hit him like a sledgehammer. He checked his t-shirt to make sure it hid his instant erection. Jessie was so goddamn surprised, he imagined he looked like an idiot stopping midway through his greeting. He hadn’t experienced an iota of desire in over a year. Jessie didn’t even bother trying any longer. Yet here Theo was, looking innocent and shy, and Jessie’s body acted like he was watching hardcore porn. Those blue eyes, though, and they had done something to his hair... fuck.

  Jessie tried killing his lust by talking about his brother. “Where’d you lose Ezra?”

  Theo’s entire face lit—like seeing Jessie brightened his whole life, and Jessie knew in that moment he was completely fucked. “He said to tell you he’ll call you later.”

  “That’s cool. So it’s just us.” Fuck his entire life, even he heard the threat in his voice. He tried playing it off. “Come on. I want to show you something.”

  “Okay.” Theo pulled at his clothes subconsciously.

  Jessie motioned Theo down a different hallway toward the opposite end of the house from the bedroom he had assigned Theo. “It’s this way. You look nice, by the way,” he added as he led Theo away. He didn’t look to see how his compliment landed. Jessie was fully aware that he was nearly twenty years older than Theo and couldn’t act on the way the guy heated his skin. Truthfully, Jessie was more confused than anything. It wasn’t like Theo was a model or a porn star. He was just some barely classified as an adult guy who had fallen in Jessie’s lap. Jessie didn’t know why Theo made him want to give him everything and see him smile. For half a second yesterday, helping Theo had been about being a good human. Now Jessie just couldn’t look away from him, and he needed to know why.

  As Jessie cleared the doorway of his studio, the lights automatically flared to life. Jessie turned and walked backward into the room. “Welcome to my studio.”

  Theo tried looking in every direction at once. “Wow. This is amazing. You must be a phenomenal talent.”

  Jessie picked up a pair of drumsticks and motioned toward the production booth. “That’s where the real magic happens. I’m just some guy with two sticks.”

  Theo rolled his eyes and headed for the booth. Jessie couldn’t stop smiling while he watched Theo inspecting everything. Theo ran his hand across the panel of knobs and buttons, as if scared he would mess something up. “Oh my god. This place is unreal. I can’t even fathom how much a person would have to know to do this. You must be a musical genius. An exhausted one. I’m speechless.”

  People rarely thought about how much work went into his job. That point being the first thing Theo menti
oned was moving. Jessie tried not to show it. “Do you like music?”

  Theo shrugged. “As much as the next person, I guess.”

  A smile snapped to Jessie’s lips. “But you’re not passionate about it,” he surmised.

  Theo’s expression turned guilty—like he thought he was letting Jessie down for some reason. “Here you are, this famous drummer, and I don’t usually even know the names of the songs I like, much less the band’s name. Sorry.” Theo winced at the confession.

  He was adorable. “Don’t apologize. Not everyone loves the same things. That’s what makes the world beautiful and unique. What are you passionate about?”

  Theo blushed and tried hiding it. Jessie couldn’t look away. “I don’t have any talents. I’m just me. I’m pretty useless, actually.”

  He didn’t like Theo talking bad about himself. Jessie moved closer. Theo’s scent had him taking measured breaths. He smelled delicious. Jessie needed to thank Ezra for pampering Theo today. He tried staying on topic. “Don’t say that, and I wasn’t referring to talent. I mean, what do you love? Movies? Skateboarding? Computers? Books? All the above? None of the above? What would you buy every single one of, if you could afford it?”

  Theo seemed to think it over, as if no one had asked him about himself before. Suddenly, his expression turned whimsical. A small smile touched his lips as his gaze slid Jessie’s way. Jessie found himself holding his breath, needing to hear Theo’s thoughts. “I used to have a huge comic book collection.” He spread his arms wide, as if trying to impress upon Jessie exactly how massive this collection was. “I don’t know if they were actually worth anything. I doubt they were, but I treated them like they were priceless.” Theo’s smile turned sad. His gaze turned inward. “When Ted and Suzie left me at the hospital, they kept everything. They returned me with only the clothes on my back.” Theo shook his head. “I haven’t thought about that in years.”